Cryptid Corner: The Loch Ness Monster


This week I bring you one of the big ones, ladies and gentlemen I present to you The Loch Ness Monster! (crowd goes wild)

The Loch Ness Monster is a creature whose existence has been suggested but has not been discovered or documented by the scientific community. It is said to be a large unknown animal that inhabits Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands. Its description varies from one account to the next. Popular interest and belief in the animal’s existence has varied since it was first brought to the world’s attention in 1933.


The most common speculation among believers is that the creature represents a line of long surviving plesiosaurs. The scientific community regards the Loch Ness Monster as a modern day myth, and explains sightings as including misidentification of more mundane objects, outright hoaxes, and wishful thinking. Despite this, it remains one of the most famous examples of cryptozoology. The legendary monster has been affectionately referred to by the nickname Nessie.


The earliest report of a monster associated with the area of Loch Ness appears in the Life of St. Columba by Adomnán, According to Adomnán, writing about a century after the events he described, the Irish monk Saint Columba was staying in the land of the Picts with his companions when he came across the locals burying a man by the River Ness. They explained that the man had been swimming the river when he was attacked by a water beast that had mauled him and dragged him under. They tried to rescue him in a boat, but were able only to drag up his corpse. Hearing this, Columba stunned the Picts by sending his follower Luigne moccu Min to swim across the river. The beast came after him, but Columba made the sign of the Cross and commanded: “Go no further. Do not touch the man. Go back at once.” The beast immediately halted as if it had been pulled back with ropes and fled in terror, and both Columba’s men and the pagan Picts praised God for the miracle. Why do religious people always get involved? Stop pushing your religious propaganda on the pagans and the Loch Ness Monster! So I am assuming since the beast fled durring that situation that it’s a demon and not an animal. Or maybe it’s like me and was like screw this I am out, cray cray Jesus freaks!


Modern interest in the monster was sparked by a sighting on July 22nd 1933, when George Spicer and his wife saw Nessie cross the road in front of their car. They described the creature as having a large body about 1.2 meters high and 7.6 meters long, a long narrow neck, slightly thicker than an elephant’s trunk and as long as the 3–4 meters width of the road, the neck had undulations in it. They saw no limbs. It lurched across the road towards the loch 20 yards away, leaving only a trail of broken undergrowth in its wake.

In August 1933 a motorcyclist named Arthur Grant claimed to have nearly hit the creature while approaching Abriachan on the north eastern shore, at about 1 a.m. Grant claimed that he saw a small head attached to a long neck, and that the creature saw him and crossed the road back into the loch. A veterinary student, he described it as a hybrid between a seal and a plesiosaur. Grant said he dismounted and followed it to the loch, but only saw ripples. Seals and plesiosaurs getting it on? Yeah I would watch that.

Sightings of the monster increased following the building of a road along the loch in early 1933, bringing both workmen and tourists to the formerly isolated area. Sporadic land sightings continued until 1963, when film of the creature was shot in the loch from a distance of 4 kilometers. Because of the distance at which it was shot, it has been described as poor quality. If we are talking about poor quality films lets talk about Troma movies. (Truthfully I love Troma flicks)


In 1938, Inverness-shire Chief Constable William Fraser who might of been a hobbit wrote a letter stating that it was beyond doubt the monster existed. His letter expressed concern regarding a hunting party that had arrived armed with a specially-made harpoon gun and were determined to catch the monster “dead or alive”. Dude it’s sort of like the plot of Jeepers Creepers 2. He believed his power to protect the monster from the hunters was “very doubtful”.

In December 1954 a strange sonar contact was made by the fishing boat Rival III. The vessel’s crew observed sonar readings of a large object keeping pace with the boat at a depth of 146 metres. It was detected travelling for 800 meters before contact was lost, but then found again later.

On April 19th 2014 it was reported that Apple Maps was showing what appeared to be the monster close to the surface of the loch. It was spotted by Andrew Dixon who was browsing a map of his home town at the time and took a moment to take a look at the loch. Possible explanations for the image are that it could be the wake of a boat, a seal causing ripples or a floating log. Pretty clever ghost of Steve Jobs pretty clever.


Since 1934 until now there has been more than ten big searches for the beastie and probably countless smaller ones, and where has this gotten us? Nowhere at all! We still have no idea if Nessie is real or what it is at all.

Here are some of the explanations that have been given to what these Nessie sightings might be.

Bird wakes, small birds diving and swimming under the water.

Eels, Yes the band Eels! Okay not really. A giant eel was one of the first suggestions made. Eels are found in Loch Ness, and an unusually large eel would fit many sightings. This has been described as a conservative explanation. Eels are not known to protrude swan like from the water and thus would not account for the head and neck sightings.

Seals or the singer Seal have been explanations for Nessie sightings.


Gnarsh Helping Punkpal Across Loch Ness.

I want to believe the Loch Ness Monster is real I really do. But to seriously have something that big living in the Lake and for that long there would have to be a good population of them, and that would be very hard to go unnoticed.

My theory for most monster sightings goes like this, These creatures travel through anomalies in time. (Just like the British television show Primeval, check it out) Seems like animals can sense things we can’t, they find these anomalies and head on through to search around for food and head back. Most likely some might stay or the anomalies close leaving them stuck here. That just might explain these strange creatures people see. But what do I know I’m no scientist, I’m just a nerd and stay at home dad.

Please email me any experiences you have with strange creatures at ([email protected]) and remember to keep an eye out for those crazy cryptids.

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